Round three ding, ding, ding!

 I’m getting ready for my third round of chemo tomorrow, and I already feel zapped of energy. The second round of chemo was definitely harder than my first, and I’m a little bit afraid that each round will be incrementally harder than the last. I had a couple days when my body ached so badly that I couldn’t do much more than stay in bed all day. I’ve also had persistent digestive issues almost the whole time (i.e. stomach cramps and lots of diarrhea.) Other pesky side effects are a constant runny nose (I’ve read this could be due to losing nose hairs, weird right?) and chemo mouth. Chemo mouth is a general yucky feeling/taste that you just can’t get rid of. Most foods don’t taste as good as I remember or imagine them tasting, and certain textures just feel awful in my mouth. It’s all left me feeling generally worn out. 

My body and mind just aren’t used to feeling sick for so long. I keep thinking I’ll feel better tomorrow or wondering why do I feel so sick? It’s made realize how much I value feeling healthy and strong. It is part of my identity that I’ve held on to, that I’m capable. I can work out, I can train my body to be stronger, faster, better. But cancer doesn’t really work that way, at least not during active treatment. I need to be kind to myself and my body, rest when I’m tired and accept the help of so many of my loved ones when the offer it us. Chemo is a slow trudge of endurance. I’ve already done six weeks of the hard work and I still have twelve weeks left. I know I can do it, but it’s not going to be easy. I’m so very thankful for my incredible friends and family who have supported us through this terrible trudge. I’ve felt so loved by the extreme thoughtfulness and generosity we’ve received. I know this would be ten times harder without the meals, cards, prayers, childcare, flowers, baked goods, fort work, crafts to entertain my kids, comfy clothes to wear to chemo, Marco polos to stay connected, and all the ways that you have been God’s hands and feet to us. I keep thinking that some people have to go through this terrible trudge without support like this and I don’t know how they do it. I don’t even know how to express how extremely thankful I am.

How to pray:

Pray for my mood. I think it’s easier to stay hopeful and positive on the outset or the end of a big thing. The middle is where it feels like more of a drag, and that’s where I am right now. In the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of chemo, in the middle of winter.  It feels like it could be an easy time to slide into depression.

Pray that the chemo is effective in knocking out this cancer! My tumor marker has decreased from 49 to 41. I’m hoping to see another decrease when they run my bloodwork tomorrow. I’ll have another PET scan after round four of chemo, and we’ll really get to see how successful the chemo is.

Praise!! The kids are going back to school the week of January 18th, FULL TIME! This was some awesome news and a HUGE answer to prayer. I wasn’t sure how we were going to continue managing homeschool and chemo for the long term. Pray that the school would remain open and not be affected by covid.